Ostriches.
The scariest, most heinous looking, vile animal known to man-kind (oops, person-kind...politically incorrect statement avoided). If I were to amass a list of phobias for myself, ostriches would be second overall—with Rosie O'Donnell taking the top spot.
Seriously, would you ever mess with an ostrich? They are eight feet tall, with 5 foot necks and a sharp beak—a modern day velociraptor if you will. The only way to subdue them is to grab their neck and put a bag over their head (courtesy of Mike Rowe at Dirty Jobs...check your local listings). Even then, an ostrich running around blindly doesn't sound too appetizing. I wish every ostrich would do the following so I could go ostrich tipping:
Everybody thinks, "Oh, they are on farms and in zoos in stuff so they must be fun and fluffy." Incorrect. Ostriches will murder you for fun. They get five points for adults and 15 for kids. The winner each month gets to mate with whomever he or she chooses, no lie. Next time you are thinking about petting this cute little animal, think again. These smug bast**** take pleasure in knowing that most people liken them to harmless peacocks.
Please enjoy this video of the "bird of paradise" known as Ostrich.
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